Tough Stuff

Tough Stuff:  Moving Through to a Better Place

by Jeanine Izzo

No one is immune to tough stuff….it’s actually part of the design of life.  Knowing that doesn’t make it easier to experience, yet it may help us move through it with more grace toward ourselves and others.

It can be challenging enough to handle the tough stuff related to our professional work, thus how do we handle going through a tough personal experience (small or big) in public or in the workplace?

Early in the afternoon on August 1, my father passed away unexpectedly.  Now, even though there have been some aspects that intellectually help the healing process…there is no way around the emotional pain that comes with losing him.

Each part of the releasing process, thus far, has been grueling and different for each one of my family members and Dad’s friends.  What makes one person reflect fondly, makes another person well up.  One person is attached to his belongings while another holds the memories.  Some have to go back to work quickly, while others need more time. It’s both comforting and hard to go through this together, and alone.

Certainly, you have, are, or will go through a time or experience in your personal life that affects your focus.  The break-up of a relationship, health challenges, sleepless nights (maybe from something positive like a new baby), the loss of someone near and dear, etc.  It is part of life.  You can try to defy your thoughts and feelings by artificially moving through or you can succumb to the strain and stay stuck with dismal thoughts, feelings and energy.  In my personal experience and that with my clients, I have found that both of these approaches are flawed as they prolong the impact.  You end up, sooner or later, having to address the pain point to move forward with less pressure on your head and your heart.

Along the way you have or will hear all sorts of well intentioned advice/opinions…

• “You’re still pining over him/her, you should be over them by now!”
• “Just busy yourself with work.”
• “At least they didn’t suffer.”
• “It could have been worse.”
• “You’ll feel better if you go shopping.”

Even if there is some truth to the above, if it helped you would feel better more quickly because no doubt you have told yourself or acted in these ways to power through time and again, right?

Healing is a personal process…even when you have to go on with the public and professional aspects of your life.

Forward moving tips:

1.  Stop…

• Telling yourself all the things you should think and do that you haven’t been able to or that aren’t helping you.
• Listening to others, as much as they care for you, who are pushing you to just this or just that.

Focusing on the above usually adds pressure and further prevents you from taking meaningful action.

2.  Start…

• Looking at what progress you have made.  What thoughts and actions are helping?  Do more of these.
• Paying attention to what is not working.  Do less of these.

Choosing thoughts and actions, even tiny ones, that work for you will add up.

3.  As necessary, seek support, feedback and perspective from someone that can help you find what works for you without layering on their agenda, expectations and judgment.

What worked for someone else may not work for you…and that’s perfectly okay.  The good news is that you, and me, have many more choices available than we can see when we are the ones going through something cruddy.  The pain of staying stuck can be much worse than the vulnerability, courage and action it takes to move through to a better place.

For assistance with helping yourself or someone else customize a way forward through tough times…Contact Viage Partners today.

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