Leading others as a team lead, manager, parent, etc. is a very dynamic role. The relationships we build are instrumental to our degree of stress, success and fulfillment. No matter how experienced and effective we are, there is always room for improvement. Even when we consciously work to improve a relationship, efforts can be futile. After all, it does take each person involved to be committed to meeting the common goal(s).
When faced with a fractured relationship, there may be consistent patterns of behavior directed toward you as a response to a comment, request or action (i.e. defiance, anger, indifference), and there may be reasons having absolutely nothing to do with you (i.e. opposing priorities, differing desires, other influencers). When your team is constantly in reaction mode, important relationship go awry, or you continually find yourself with similar complaints in every situation, it’s worth it to take a look at yourself to determine how you might be contributing to the break down. After all, it is common for our own patterns of behavior to become so ingrained that blind spots form.
Let’s look at eight areas to help determine your potential blind spots and points of action.
Drive / Motivation: Do you know what you want? Are you excited to work toward what you want? Do you believe you can achieve what you want? Are you in the driver’s seat pressing on the gas? Are you motivated to enhance your situation?
Honesty: Do you expect others to be honest with you, even if you are not honest with yourself? Do you have the skills you need to reach goals? Do you see your strengths and weaknesses? Do you want to be in your current role? Are you doing your best work?
Trust: How well do you trust yourself to complete your tasks/goals? Can you rely on yourself to take the high road even when tempted otherwise? Do you walk your talk? Do you keep confidences?
Boundaries: Do you set boundaries for everyone else except yourself? Alternately, are the boundaries you set for yourself helpful or hurtful in obtaining more success and fulfillment? How frequently do you bring your personal challenges to work and vice versa? Is there too little or too much flexibility?
Accountability: Do you hold others to a higher degree of follow through than yourself? Do you shy away from commitments and accountability? Are you too hard or too easy on yourself?
Communication: Is your self talk productive or destructive? Do you speak with clarity and confidence? Does your message change from day-to-day, or is it consistent? Does your overarching attitude span more toward the negative or the positive?
Support / Compassion: How well do you care for yourself? Do you give yourself the internal support you need? Do you allow yourself to invest in and accept external support? When you fall short, how do you treat yourself?
Growth: Are you stagnant or are you making the time to develop yourself? Do you judge yourself based on the way you were years ago or allow yourself to recognize the impact of training, experience and maturity? Do you have a professional development plan that resonates with you? Where do you sit on the range from resisting to embracing new tools/information?
Many times, the challenges we face with others can be linked back to how we treat ourselves. For example, if you have difficulty trusting others you may have to look at building trust within yourself first. When team members fail to meet deadlines, perhaps they are following your lead. Having the courage to look within can help break long-standing patterns and open up opportunities for higher functioning and more enjoyable relationships, teams and families.
Forward Moving Tips:
1. Click here to find a self-evaluation tool to help you get started. https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6RbezHtzF3tY1E5eWtfTWEtNzQ/edit?usp=sharing
2. Pick one or two areas to set goals around and begin taking action toward improvement.
3. Consider working with a trusted advisor or coach to help uncover and fill in the blind spot’s with greater efficiency.
What will you be able to do more of when you have a better self-relationship? (comment below)
© Viage Partners 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Viage Partners with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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